


Blue eyes

by hclywinchesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda to 13x04, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 12:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hclywinchesters/pseuds/hclywinchesters
Summary: After the shapeshifter case Dean goes to see Dr Mia Vallens again to find some closure himself.





	Blue eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is a coda to 13x04 and it's also my first fic so don't judge it too hard please  
> (I'm also sorry for my English)

Back at the motel Dean made sure Sam didn’t know what he was up to. If he knew he would only get another pitiful look from him. And he couldn’t take anymore pity. “I’m going for a drive, I’ll probably bring back some beer”   
Luckily, he wasn’t paying him much attention and didn’t notice how nervous Dean was, he was too absorbed in the book he was reading. “Yeah sure, don’t take too long. Oh, and bring something to eat will you, I’m starving.”  
“Sure, will do.” Taking this as the goodbye it was meant to be Dean took his keys and left towards the Impala. 

Fortunately, the drive to his destination didn’t take more than 10 minutes or otherwise he probably would have gotten cold feet and turned back.   
He had barely knocked on the door when it opened already. “Hello Dean, I was wondering when you would show up. Please come in.“  
Dean nervously made is way inside the living room, where Dr Vallens was already waiting for him on the coach.  
“So you know why I’m here?” Dean wondered.   
“Of course I do, it wasn’t hard to tell earlier. Do you have a picture of your loved one?”  
Dean swallowed. “Yeah, I do. Give me a minute.” He took out his mobile phone and looked for a picture. It would have to be a perfect photo, one that got every detail right. And one detail in particular.  
He handed her his phone which she took with a small smile on her face. “Please close your eyes.”  
Dean patiently waited for a few seconds. He wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen, but he had to do it.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean swallowed and pinched his eyes tighter together. Just hearing his voice was too much. He couldn’t do this, why did he ever decide this was a good idea.  
He felt a soft touch on his arm and flinched back. “Dean, please look at me, don’t be afraid.”  
After a few deep breaths he slowly opened his eyes and looked at the man he missed so much. He was so overwhelmed to see him again that a needy sound escaped his mouth. He couldn’t hold back anymore and with tears streaming down his face he flung himself at his angel and hugged him hard.  
For a few minutes he couldn’t say anything, than it came out all at once. “I miss you so much Cas, I don’t know how much longer I can take these feelings, it hurts so much.” He leaned back and looked into his favourite blue eyes. The blue was exactly like he remembered it.  
“I know Dean, I know.” Cas wiped his tears away and cupped his jaw. Dean instantly leaned into his touch and closed his eyes.  
“I can’t believe you are gone, I can’t believe I’ll never-” Dean choked up again and his voice broke.  
“It’s okay Dean, I’m here now.”  
Dean nodded and swallowed hard. “Can I- Can I just hold you for a few minutes? That’s all I want right now. I just want to hold you in my arms one last time.”  
Castiel looked at him with sad eyes. “Of course Dean. Come here.”  
With these words Dean hugged him again and lowered them onto the coach. This is the place where he always wanted to be. Just holding his angel. His personal heaven on earth. 

They stayed like this for an eternity and Cas sat up sooner than Dean would have liked.   
“Dean, it’s time.”  
Dean closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I know, can I just say-“ He took a deep breath before trying again. “Cas, I never got to tell you this and I regret it so much. I thought we would have more time together. I was so naïve.” He took his angels hands into his and looked at their clasped hands. “Cas, you were- you are the best friend I ever had. And so much more. I’m so lucky I got to have you in my life. I’m so grateful for the time we had together. I just wish- I just wish I got to tell you one last thing.“ With tears in his eyes he looked into Cas’. “I love you Cas. I love you so much.”   
Cas smiled at him sadly and squeezed his hands. “I’m sorry we didn’t have more time together, Dean. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything either. I guess we both were too afraid to lose each other if we had said something. That’s something we can’t undo. But you should know that I love you too.”

With tears streaming down their faces they were just looking at each other. Then Dean heard the words that broke his heart all over again.

“Goodbye, Dean.” 

Dean closed his eyes. He could feel that Castiel’s presence was gone again. He felt numb. He’s not sure whether this was the best or the worst decision in his life. “Thank you Dr Vallens.”  
“You’re welcome Dean. I hope you were able to find some closure. I’m very sorry for your loss.” Dean nodded, took his car keys and left without another word.

Back at the motel he threw his keys onto the counter and went directly to his bed. He put his earphones on and turned up the music to a deafening level. At some point he thought Sam was looking for him but he ignored it and kept staring at the ceiling.   
But it wasn’t the ceiling he was seeing. 

It was blue eyes.


End file.
